Funny

Interesting that I haven't written since deciding to make this private, at least for the time being, as with all things thats subject to change, and I am fighting to keep it neutral, to keep it what it truly was, a journal of who I am and my journey rather than one continuous love letter, as it could so easily turn out to be, right now.

He has sent me pictures of his home, of his life, and I feel closer to him for it, and yet in a way it breaks my heart, knowing that outside of the phone, and the computer its a life I will never truly be able to share.  I know this, and am resigned to this fact.  Sometimes it makes the moments we share sweeter, sometimes more painful.

I am less torn about certain things than I was.  Maybe I shouldn't be... The situations in his life, allow me a certain degree of comfort I guess... Well not comfort, just... less concern I guess.  I don't know.  I still know to an extent what we have is wrong, but aside from the phone we aren't actively pursuing it outside of anything, so is there a real violation?  He has said she is not the doting wife waiting at home, one day when I am feeling brave again, maybe I will ask him to clarify that further.  Right now, I am ok with what I know.  ::sighs::  I miss him.  He has taken to calling me around 5:30 my time, while he is on his way to work, and I simply adore that.  Even if it is a few words, it gives precious color to my days where there would normally have been none.

He is being kind and supportive during the trials I am facing with the other "him" in my life, one not so pleasant.  There is so much more that I want to say and yet I dn't have the words.  Thats been happening a lot lately.  Strange.  Particularly for me!