With enough soap, you can blow up just about anything

Still kind of in fight club mode and well it makes for less thinking on what I can title my entries. I am playing hooky from church today.  My throat hurts, and I just don't want to go.  I got up to get some Advil and go back to bed and somehow I've been camped out here for about an hour now.  I am not really sure why, but I imagine it could be worse.  I will go back to being a layabout in a little while.

I scribbled some stuff down around 5am that I just wasn't going to get up and type then, mind you I guess it wouldn't have mattered I only got about two hours of sleep...But, here it is:

The one word emotion response on this thing so doesn't work for me, particularly after I give into him again.  Promise that I will do better, then when he offers to speak fold like a house of cards.  I told him of the "joy" of my date, and listened as he watched weird movies and changed ringtones.  I don't know why I am so weak when it comes to him.  I have done all that I could to try to analyze it, to understand it.  I think part of the draw is that as he said we know where we stand with each other, and I do know that I will never have him.  Its a strange place at leeast for me, but we do kind of know where it is, and there is an odd comfort in that.  Eventually I know things will change with him because i know I'll be damned if I am going to stay lonely forever because of someone who doesn't love me...

My alarm is set for 7:15 I am so not making that... Lucky if I make church at all.  I am not really in the mood for it.  I know that sounds bad, but I'm tired and feeling petty.  God will understand.  Besides, despite the prayers he isn't delivering me from the weirdness... or giving me the strength to... unless I just can't see it.  Another rant for another day.

(Ok... back to current life and reality, well slight reality)

I should just go back to bed, god knows I need the sleep... and one day I really need to invest in curtains... its just too damn bright!  How can i keep my vampire hours as they've been called in the light... it burns